


Hard choices, with feeling

by NeverBeenACorpse



Category: Dragon Age: Inquisition
Genre: Fade Kiss, I Don't Know Where This Is Going, I should be writing other fics, Intense Kissing, Other, Plotty, Qunari character is too tall, Solas being short, may add more - Freeform, oh and also lots and lots of consent and shit, seriously, why am I doing this to myself
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2016-10-15
Updated: 2016-10-20
Packaged: 2018-08-22 14:13:05
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 2
Words: 4,124
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/8288591
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/NeverBeenACorpse/pseuds/NeverBeenACorpse
Summary: Dis, an original agender Qunari Inquisitor, has some serious choices to think about. But they find themself more then a little bit fascinated with that bald elf, and not just because of curiosity. And after a kiss shared in the Fade, completely unplanned, Dis is intent on finding out if this can lead somewhere, hoping it doesn't affect their judgement.





	1. The first thoughts

**Author's Note:**

> Sorry not sorry  
> I don't know what I'm doing. Playing DA:I again, dreamt a sexy dream containing Solas, needed to handle the inspiration, this happened. Fuck.

Dis was sitting in their chamber, high over the fortress where the Inquisition had placed itself. All because of Solas - no, not really, but at times if felt like it. He’d been close to invaluable, as had they all in the close circle of commanders and allies they’d gathered, but he more then most. He’d helped save them. He’d believed in Dis. 

It was hard not to take that into consideration, when pondering the coming choices. 

 

Hard choices were ahead, and Dis didn’t want to make any of them, but as the Inquisitor, they had to. Wasn’t that what the burden of leadership entailed? The ability to make the hard choices, and to take the consequences once they’d been followed through. 

As it was with Solas, then. 

 

To put it simple, people didn’t trust him. Either because of him being an apostate, albeit not of the rebellious kind, or him being an elf, even though xenophobia was intolerable in the Inquisitions ranks, but habits where sometimes hard to change. And those argument Dis had to take to mind, was those that said they didn’t know him. Where had he come from? Just showing up, when all went to disaster, an elven apostate and somehow knowing what to do? In all that chaos, it had been crucial. But now? 

People where doubtful. 

And he was one who they could focus they suspicions on. 

And as the Inquisitor, Dis had to be the one to pass the judgement. 

Judgement that had to be based outside of their personal feelings. 

 

At first, Dis hadn’t focused on him. Just another temporary ally, nothing more, trying to save their own skin and maybe some others. Doing something, when the playfield had been torn apart. 

First after, long after, the Inquisition had formed, and he proved an valuable ally even in close combat, had Dis found themselves admiring him. The way he moved, his speech, that particularly interesting appearance. Being Qunari, Dis had always found other races intriguing, lacking both horns and being somewhat scrawny, but they’d found their eyes resting on Solas for more then just curiosity. 

And at times, they’d found themselves thinking about him, even when there was no strategic reasoning behind it. 

 

He’d been invaluable, both in combat and knowledge. Dis’d spent hours listening to his stories, the memories he’d experienced, and the way he’d talked, voice so filled with feelings and beautiful words, and Dis realised they didn’t remember a word of what he’d said. They’d been busy listening to his voice, studying his face, his movements, their mind too preoccupied with the physical aspects of his body to focus on the stories. 

Dis wondered if he’d noticed? And if he’d noticed even before themself did?

Because Dis was a bit ashamed at how long it took them to realise what they were doing. That it wasn’t only knowledge and strategy that made them spend that much time with Solas. Not only work and responsibility, the weight of an entire world on their shoulders, but… something much, much more personal. 

They remembered the smile Solas gave them, every time they entered his workplace. He’d known, hadn’t he?

Or had it been wishful thinking?

Remembering that time in the Fade… maybe Solas had been genuinely happy with their attention? Longing for it, even. 

Maybe even before Dis realised their own feelings. 

 

The kiss they’d shared, there, in the Fade, had been unique. Not that Dis had experienced much of that kind; qunari Dis’ experience consisted mostly of hard kisses, rough handling, and fast action. 

People tended to think all qunari were the same, and Dis had been somewhat part of spreading that idea. 

Dis’d thought nothing of it, just living into their own identity, but the way they’d found themselves there, in the Fade, in the arms of an elf so much smaller then themselves… they’d realised that maybe they’d been wrong. Maybe they had the ability to be gentle, loving, caring. Maybe they even needed it. 

 

The most surprising part had been that it hadn’t been real. Of course, Solas had been bigger then, able to put his arms around Dis’s body, able to hug them close, lips soft and needy, Dis finding themselves responding in kind. Like this had been building, for longer then either of them had realised. 

Dis didn’t know who’d started it, only that when Dis pulled back, a bit shy, Solas had pulled them back, then hesitated, loosing momentum, giving Dis time to smile and pull him too. Both had wanted it, both had actively tried to continue it, their lips not separating, Dis feelings Solas’s tongue over their bottom lip, his teeth gently nibbling, their tongue pressing at Solas lips in turn, hands grabbing hard onto the other, as if it all could disappear at any moment. 

Which, of course, it could. The Fade wasn’t known to be stable. 

 

They’d lost breath eventually, foreheads resting against each other, breathing hard and feeling their hands holding onto each other hard, white knuckled, bodies shivering somewhat. 

 

Nothing but silence between their breaths. 

 

”I’m… I’m sorry, that was tactless of me.”

”Why?” Dis responded, after catching their breath. 

”Well, the Fade has always made me more shameless, giving me courage, and I shouldn’t have assumed… well, I shouldn’t have kissed you. Or let you kiss me. This will only make things more difficult then it need to be.”

Dis didn’t respond. 

After a while, Solas pulled back. Dis had tried to gain another kiss, to keep their hands on Solas body, but Solas had been quick, and with only the slightest hesitation when he loosened himself from their grip. A single cunning smile as his eyes met Dis.

”I’m sorry, Dis. I should let you get back now.”

 

And Dis’d been back in their bed. Alone. Their body confused by the sudden arousal, and their mind even more confused at to why that’d happened. 

 

~*~

 

Responsibilities had tied Dis up, pushing them hard and relentlessly, giving no moment to share more then a short gaze with Solas, who responded in kind, and kept his distance. Maybe he’d misinterpreted their gaze, or had reasons of his own?

 

The next time they met, alone, Dis was the one to organise it. Telling Cassandra and Cullen, who needed Dis’ time for going over some military manoeuvres, but it was only details. Only confirmation on what they’d already discussed, at length. And frankly, Dis needed a pause from it, so after some discussion Dis was able to get away. 

 

Behind a door, they found Solas. His room was sparse, but with paintings on the walls, colours everywhere, and basic comfort. He looked at them, calmly. 

”I take it you didn’t find your way here by mistake?” Solas said, standing from the armchair and putting down his book. 

Dis gave a small smile. ”No. I’m sorry if I disturbed you.”

”It’s of no trouble.” Solas was standing, facing Dis, a gentle smile on his lips. ”I guess you wish to discuss our latest… meeting, in the Fade?”

”And by meeting, you mean kiss.”

Solas smiled at the floor. ”Yes, I guess you’re right. I’ve always been more courageous in the Fade, like it removes some of the social doctrines, and, well. I’m sorry if you took offence, afterwards.”

”That’s not really the problem, I think.”

Solas cocked his head, a smile playing at his lips. ”So what do you believe it is, then, if not in that?”

Dis looked back at the door. Locked. ”I wonder… if you’d like to continue? Or if there was something else behind it?”

 

Solas lost his smile, for a short time. Not meeting Dis’ eyes. ”I… I’m not the one to form casual bonds, with others then spirits. I’m sorry if I’ve led you to believe otherwise.”

”I… I’m not sure I understand what you want to say with that?”

”Clearly put - I’m not one to engage in casual sex, or other kinds of socialising. Usually I keep to knowledge, and the Fade, and… you’ve been the exception, for some time now.”

 

Solas barely met Dis’ eyes, standing straight with arms crossed, one hand over his chin. Dis took a few steps into the room, unsure and suddenly a bit shy. Dis stopped when Solas turned, just a little bit further away, interpreting it as dismissal. 

No one spoke. 

 

”So… it wasn’t me you kissed, then, really?” Dis broke the silence, feeling it pressing uncomfortably. 

Solas bit his lip, stil not looking at Dis. ”It… was you, yes, but. You see, in the Fade, it’s… easier, there. There’s not the same kind of… consequences, there. In this world, every action has reaction, the effect of each choice like ripples in a pond, at there’s so much to take into consideration, so many variables. You can’t just… _feel_ , and hope everything stays the same.”

 

Dis had taken a few more steps, closer, and when Solas looked up at them, he didn’t seem surprised, but his eyes held a certain amount of raw feeling. Like he really was laying out part of himself in front of Dis to inspect. 

Dis had never been the one to keep emotion from their face, and was sure their gaze was just as filled with feeling as Solas’ was. 

”You feel for me, then?” Dis asked, hesitantly, and Solas responded in kind, just a slight tremor to his voice. 

”Yes. I respect you, and you’ve showed a surprising amount of knowledge, courage, strategic thinking that I’ve not met since… for a long time. I’d almost thought it lost in the mortal world, seeing it only in spirits and their creations, but you… ”

Dis stood in front of Solas now, only a few hands-widths between them, Dis imposing body towering over Solas, who had to crane his neck somewhat. And finally, their eyes met, Solas looked up, hands still in front of his chest. Dis felt the nervousness of the situation like tremors through their body, shifting their fingers, ready to hold onto something, someone, not realising they’d licked their lips until their tongue got back in place and Dis lips was still parted. 

 

”Does it mean you want me to leave?” Temperate air over Dis tongue, making Dis swallow, Solas dropping his arm from his face, still holding the other over his chest. 

”It’s not that simple, I’m afraid.”

Solas looked away when he smiled, like he couldn’t help himself. 

Dis drew a deeper breath. 

”Then I’d like permission to continue that kiss. If you’d feel comfortable with that.”

Solas smiled even bigger at that. ”You’re quite a straight forward person, aren’t you?”

”Why prance around the subject, like so many others always do, when you could enjoy the moment instead? Or continue on to something else, if that’s the case.”

 

A small moment of silence. 

”Yes. You may continue the kiss now.”

Dis smiled, bent in somewhat, but stopped. ”And… can I hold you?”

”You can trust me to say when I’m uncomfortable.”

”That isn’t really an answer.”

Solas sighed, playfully dramatical. ”If you don’t take the offer soon I might change my mind and throw you out.”

Dis pulled back. ”Then I should leave, instead of doing anything…”

But Solas pulled at their collar and their lips met, forcefully pushing their tongue against Dis’ lips, standing on his toes to reach, one hand now on Dis chest instead of Solas own. 


	2. 'Can I have a moment?'

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The ending of the kiss, and Josephine needs a moment of the Inquisitors time, much later. Concerning subjects that can't just be ignored.

Dis smiled, before melting into the kiss, putting their hands on either side of Solas’ waist, holding him against their body, feeling his heat and the fabric of his clothes. 

Solas drew a breath against Dis mouth, lips still touching, still holding tight at their clothing, breath somewhat closer to panting, but so far it felt only like a soft tremor over Dis lips. 

 

”I hope you don’t mind…”

”Not in the least…” Dis said, smiling, pushing Solas back gently as their lips met again, taking small steps forward until they reached the wall. ”And I hope you’re serious about telling me…”

”Yes, of course. I’m not uncomfortable right now.”

”That’s not the same as being comfortable…”

”Just kiss me.”

Dis pressed their body up against Solas, pulling their head back to smile down at him, his body now trapped between the wall and Dis. Only his toes touched the floor, and still Dis was a bit taller then him. 

Dis held him steady, pushed him up, felt Solas thighs press against Dis hips, as Dis pressed their crotch up against him, keeping him firmly in place on the wall. 

Their kiss continued; warm, soft tongue lapping at each others lips, exploring and tasting each other, trying their limits carefully, slowly. Solas didn’t object. Didn’t do anything other then encourage Dis, what with those sounds, those lips, those movements as his whole body shifted against Dis’, and his hands grabbing, searching… 

 

 

Their encounter ended soon after that. It really had been nothing more then prolonged kissing, making out in a locked room, hoping the world didn’t end in the meantime. 

When the kiss finally ended, Dis pulling their head back, looking over Solas, a questioning glance whether to continue or stop, and Solas gave only a closed eyed look in response, before letting his legs down, and Dis stepped back to let him touch the floor. 

Solas drew a deep breath, and seemed to stand on shaking legs, trying to not let it show, and Dis repressed the urge to reach out and hold him. 

Instead, Dis backed off, just half a step, to give him breathing room, and he leaned back against the wall, mouth still open, but eyes closed. 

 

”Are you okey?” Dis asked, when Solas didn’t do anything to adress the situation. Solas sighed slightly. 

”That was just not how I imagined the day to unfold.”

Dis couldn’t help but smile as they saw the smile playing at Solas lips, even as he tried to contain it. Solas opened his eyes just enough to see Dis smile down at him, and his smile grew before he managed to close his eyes again. 

”I… heh, I guess I underestimated the… what do you call it, the pull of you, your aura, your… body, personality… Could you, just a moment…?” Solas made a slightly dismissing gesture, and Dis stepped back. Still smiling, as Solas smile was quite contagious. 

 

After a few deep breaths, Solas opened his eyes fully and regained his posture. Dis, in the meantime, standing just a step away and casually inspecting the room, didn’t give him too much attention. Not until he spoke up. 

”Dis. It has been an honour to share this moment with you, and I’m sorry to be dismissive, but we both can’t stay here.”

Dis let one of their eyes meet Solas, a playful smile on their lips, knowing full well that Solas was hiding behind his good manner. Solas breath hitched slightly, and Dis couldn’t help but to snicker softly. 

The gaze Solas gave Dis after that was filled with playful anger, and it was only so much Dis could do, to not lift him up again, his lite body pressed between their own and the wall, lifting his thighs up on either side of their hips, staring hungrily into his eyes before… 

 

Dis closed their eyes. Took a deep breath. Opened their eyes again. Solas was casually not meeting their gaze, looking down at a book on the table just beside him. 

Dis tried to contain their laughter. 

It didn’t work. 

Solas didn’t manage to either. 

”I have no intention of being inhospitable, but I’m sure the world needs you doing something else then laughing in my room, Inquisitor.”

Dis tried to say something in response, but gave up when another burst of giggling escaped their defences. They turned, and walked away, feeling Solas’ continually Not Looking at them when crossing the floor. Dis gave Solas a single look before closing the door behind them, a single last smile, before reality came crashing down around them again. 

 

~*~

 

”Inquisitor. A moment of your time, please?”

Josephine was walking towards Dis in a casually fast pace. Dis gestured to Cassandra that they could continue the discussion on military fortifications later, and with a crisp good-bye Dis turned towards Josephine. 

”Miss Montilyet. Has something come up?”

”Nothing new, ser, but there’s been a delivery of letters I believe would be in your interest to respond personally to.”

Josephine wasn’t carrying anything beside the regular scribe-board, and Dis made a shrugging gesture. 

”Well, what do they say?”

Josephine casually looked around Dis, as she wasn’t near tall enough to reach over their shoulder to see if there was anyone listening in behind Dis. Seeing no one, she bent just a little bit closer and lowered her voice. 

”I wouldn’t want to discuss it here, ser. Not because of a fear of spies, but the content of the letters may be a bit too personal to openly discuss.”

Dis had never been one to hide their emotions, and felt that their eyes betrayed the doubt over what Josephine was saying. She didn’t seem to take it personal, at any rate, and casually hooked her free arm under Dis’, and began walking down the corridor. 

 

Dis didn’t object, knowing that they’d get nothing more ut of Josephine then casual small-talk at the moment, and just followed in her footsteps, the hand resting nicely on Dis’ arm. 

They ended up in Josephines office, with her letting go of Dis arm and Dis reluctantly letting her go. 

”As you’re well aware, there’s been questions as to why you’re surrounding yourself with such a diverse team of companions.”

”Are you sure that’s the term they use to describe us?” Dis said casually, walking over towards Josephines desk. 

”I believe they used words as ’rag-tag’ and ’delinquents’, among many others I won’t foretell out of respect for our friends.”

A small smile was all Dis got, before Josephine was back in full bushiness-mode, digging up letters from unsuspected places. At last there was a pile of maybe half a dossen letters on the desk, and Dis contained themself and didn’t ask the questions that hung in the air.

 

As Josephine sat down by the desk, Dis pulled a chair over from the fireplace to set down opposite her, when Josephine gestured to place it on her side of the desk. Dis complied, the chair weighing close to nothing even when liften over the desk with one hand. 

Joining the chair on Josephine’s side of the desk, Dis found the advisor was looking intently down at the letters in front of them. 

”What do they say?” Dis asked, when Josephine let the first moment pass without telling. 

The advisor seemed to snap back to reality, ad quickly began arranging the letters in an order that Dis didn’t understand. 

”Well, we have a comte from Orlais voicing their disappointment that there’s still apostates in our midst, but that’s barely worth more then a few lines as to remind them that the Circles technically don’t exist anymore.”

”Easily done. Can’t you just tell me what to write and I’ll just sign it off?”

Josephine laughed lightly. ”I think you’ll need to give a little more then that, Inquisitor. They’ll notice right away that you didn’t compose those words, and probably take it as an insult, if they should be in the mood.”

Dis shifted somewhat, bending closer to look at the wording. ”You really have a particular view of insults in human societies.”

”Well, we’re not qunari.” Josephine added, taking a breath to say something more, but the words never came. 

 

Dis reached out and pulled at another letter that’d caught their attention. Josephine let Dis reach over her, sitting still and quiet in the meantime. 

Dis puled back somewhat and glanced through the letter, ignoring all the redundant honoraries and empty phrases. 

”This… they’re demanding I dispose of all mages in my vicinity? Who are they, and why do they believe they got the right to _demand_ anything?”

”Let me see… A yes, this is one of the more prominent families in Orlais, in close friendship with the ruling partners and a long-time player of the Game… They sent one of their younger children to the Templar order, if I remember correctly. They lost them in the recent uprising in Kirkwall, and even as they’d never been supportive of mages, they’re a lot more militant about magic being purely demonic nowadays.”

”They can’t think that I should close the Rift with woodworkers, do they?”

Josephine laughed, a clear and joyful laugh. ”No no, I’d think not, but they have never been the ones to be discreet about their diplomat standing.”

”It’s just one family, surely we can ignore them?”

”If it only were so easy, but no, we cannot. As said, their friendship with the ruling parties gives them a particular weight to put behind their words. We can’t just dismiss this out of hand.”

Dis looked at the advisor disbelievingly. ”You can’t think I’ll tell Solas and Vivienne to leave us.”

”It would be ideal, surely, to have them stay… I’m sure Vivienne have several string to pull to get her on their good side, and they don’t even seem to know about Cole… hm.”

 

Dis looked over the letter again. ”Don’t tell me I’ll need to choose between their good will and Solas, because my standing in that question is quite done already.”

Josephine took the letter in both of her hands and looked it over, shaking her head. ”I could stall them, telling them we’re taking it under advisement… but as you see, they’re not the only ones.” She gestured out over the table, where the other letters lay opened. 

Dis shook their head at the sight. ”They can’t be serious.”

”Truly, this would’t be a problem if not for the war…”

”Oh, you don’t say? I see why your expertise is valued, with those insight.” Dis smiled at Josephine, who looked back at them with playful irritation and swatted their arm. 

”Be careful so that I won’t just leave you to deal with this by yourself, and watch you burn the bridges in your ignorance.”

”I’m sure the fire would be quite comfy.”

Another irritated look, though more for show they for pure frustration, and Dis pulled Josephine into a hug. 

 

”No, I’d not want my little advisor to leave. You’re way too valuable.”

”And I’m not all that small, either.” 

”To me you are” Dis said while looking down at their offended little human. 

Josephine just sighed, with a badly hidden smile, and turned back to the papers. 

 

”I could postpone the response for a few days but there’s still the subject of how we should respond…”

”I don’t understand.”

”I’m quite sure you do, you just don’t want to, because that would entail making a decision you might regret.”

Josephines words hung between them for a while, Dis knowing she spoke the truth but, as she said, not yet ready to accept it. 

 

”I think I should talk to Solas about this.”

”It’s your decision, Inquisitor, but maybe it would only make it harder when he… I mean, of course, _if_ he leaves.”

Dis gave Josephine a glance that probably contained the hurt they felt, and let their arm fall from her shoulders back into Dis’s lap. 

”I’m sorry to be the bearer of such news…”

”Can’t we just tell them all we sent him away and then don’t do it?” Dis interrupted. 

Josephine was quiet for a short while, but probably not to ponder that solution. More likely to carefully choose her words, in a matter that should already be settled. 

”I’m afraid that won’t be helping either side in the matter. They most definitely have their own eyes around here, and lying to them would damage our relations with even those that don’t have an opinion in the matter.”

”You’re practically saying there’s nothing else to do but send him away?”

Josephine didn’t answer, except for a small head-shake. 

 

Dis rose to their feet, ducking under the somewhat low candelabra, pacing a few steps back and forth, looking over at Josephine, still seated, and gave a small sigh of farewell, before they turned away and walked off. 

The moment Dis was out in the main hall, they were greeted with smiles and questions, well-meaning inquiries about all manner of things, but they couldn’t really answer. It had been more then a week since their last meeting with Solas, alone, and that kiss they’d shared. But still, all the while since then they’d thought of little else, when the threat to the world didn’t occupy all their thoughts. 

And now they had to make decisions they’d rather don’t think about.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Josephine is a nice person, if a bearer of bad news. She's a diplomat, above anything else really.   
> Well, I'm still on tumblr: InsanitysQueen.tumblr.com

**Author's Note:**

> I'm on tumb(one)r: insanitysqueen.tumblr.com  
> I feel lonely sometimes


End file.
